Overheard at Work 6

Ok so I need ideas...what should I name these notes, there's so many of them and I'm starting to repeat myself in the titles. Feedback.

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I get it. I'm fat and I work at an ice cream place. You don't have to ask me if I eat the ice cream all the time because I don't. I really don't. In fact, I rarely eat ice cream. I know, I know...If I worked here, I'd be in some trouble. All I'd do is eat eat eat yes, fatass...and if you ate ate ate, your ass would be fired. Order your ice cream and get out of my face please.

There's a lady that comes in almost every single time I work. She has a huge open wound on her chin that looks like an asteroid hit her face and is bubbling in the hole somewhere. Her teeth are more jagged than the rocks of the Grand Canyon........lady, must you always touch my hand? You ask for samples of the ice cream just so you can touch my hand. Your hand is clammy and you have warts on warts AND you're mean as mess. Go away please. I'm so politely grossed out by you. Also I don't mean to be mean, don't put a curse on me...

Why yes that's chocolate on my elbow. Thank you for noticing 11 million times.

LADIES, do NOT NOT NOT let your children pick ice creams and toppings. There's a line out the freakin door and I'm working alone. You can only go back and forth between gummy bears and sprinkles about 16 more times before I lose my shit.

It's also not ok to ask me to babysit your kids because I won't unless they're high school aged. Which won't happen.

When I ask you what I can get for you, don't say a million bucks, a vacation, and a nanny...I won't get those things and my fake smile is hard enough to maintain for 7hrs as it is.

This isn't Moe's. When I welcome you, don't retort with WELCOME TO MOES. I won't smile back.

I'm going to ask you who you're paying with and who all is in your group. You make my life shit when you say NAW NAW I DON'T KNOW THEM or I'M NOT PAYING FOR THEM...because when I ring you up, the joke isn't funny when you make me fuck your money up.

WAFFLE IS STILL NOT A FUCKING SIZE DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE WHEN I ASK YOU WHAT SIZE AND YOU NOD AT A WAFFLE LIKE I'M A STUPID IDIOT. WAFFLE. IS. NOT. A SIZE. IT ISN'T I'M NOT STUPID YOU ARE HOLY FALAFEL ON A STICK!

My hair isn't blonde. If you have blonde hair all over the damn place lookin like Buckwheat and you find a blonde hair in your ice cream and I'm the only one around making ice cream, chances are it's your hair. My hair is black. Please understand basic color theory.

For the love of Mary and Joseph. Don't cough on me. The sneeze guard is to block your breath. My head still looms above that boundary. Cover your mouth. GAH LEE!