You Don't Even Know

I have been told so many times that what I'm doing with my life is a waste of time or a dead end with no money. Yes well think what you may, but being a music teacher is what I'm going to do. No if's, and's, or but's about it.

I am a firm believer that if you are content with your life and what you do, then you don't need an excessive amount of money or "things" to make you any happier. I am fully aware that teachers have quite a surprisingly low income and I am aware that I will, yes WILL, have to get a second job to afford the cost of living.

In case you haven't noticed, every person that sets foot into a four year university with the intentions of becoming an educator has contemplated the pros and the cons of teaching. Education isn't for the faint of heart. You've got to have passion. You've got to be able to reach out to those in need of an education. I want to be able to live my life saying that I encouraged someone to learn. MY life's goal is to be that person that people will tell their children and grandchildren about when they go through school themselves.

Musicians have always fought so hard to gain recognition. Music seems to maintain its popularity in the top 40 charts, but is faltering from school. I am aware of this. I know that many schools are cutting the arts out to save a buck. I'm here to fight that, because without music, we, as a culture, are nothing. We will not have action movies, just people standing around blowing things up. We will not have those summertime outdoor concerts to reminisce about in the cold of the winter. We will lose an important part of our history and by OUR history, I mean the world. Music has broken ground in every country, every remote island, every nook and cranny of the world, music has found itself. Heck, even during the hardest of times people have managed to make music. Why take that away from us?

So next time, before you make those snide remarks about MY dead end, no paying, and worthless job - take a step back and think about it. One day I could teach your children or even you children's children. You never know who is going to be the next Mozart or Beethoven.

It could possibly be your kid.

So leave me alone. I've got this.

Spring Break: The Old House

I've had a pretty eventful week and some days with some pretty amazing people. Who knew a single week could be packed so full of stuff to do...and being from my hometown, that's saying plenty! I actually didn't want to come back to school after my break. I usually am ready to get the heck out of my hometown by the second hour of being home. Not the case this time.

I had many adventures over the week so I'll start with my exploration of the old house near the park.

So a friend and I went for a drive this past week and she came across a house she really loved. To anyone else this house would look just like another run-down, condemned house. But she pulled into what was left of the driveway and
I was simply blown away at the beauty of this place.

Everything was grown over. There were thorny vines everywhere and dead trees, grass...probably spiders and snakes living in ever dark corner, but there was beauty. The house was so different for any other house I've seen.

I would have gone inside, but I was afraid it would cave in on me. It had what looked like a sun room and a quaint staircase leading to the second floor...then further up there was what used to be an attic.

The land this house sat upon was huge! From the street it looked like a small yard full of trees - the land this house stood on went on and on

behind it - almost like a field. The trees grew tall with thick branches and the thorny vines draped themselves off these branches. Looking up, you'd think you were in the middle of some sort of odd jungle. And the sun - it glowed bright yellow, orange, and red in the late afternoon, it's rays peaking through the canopy of the trees lighting up the sky.

I can see why she loves this place so much. Though it is so close to a busy street where cars and trucks zoom by, stepping out here is like stepping into another world. I wish she and I explored the land more. From what we saw, there was a trail through the overgrown grass into the woods where tall skinny trees grew in straight lines. Further out,

there was another house (now a pile of wood and rubble) and more field.

One day she's going to buy this land, she tole me. If I had the means, I'd buy it for her. This place is amazing. I've driven past this place numerous times and haven't given it a single thought, but when I actually took the time to look at it, I was taken aback by how interesting it is. I hope that she can find the people that own this land. Fixing up an old house has always been a thing of interest to me and I wouldn't mind helping a good friend out.

Hey, we all have dreams don't we?

Dear World

I have come to realize that in some parts of this world, the term "ethnicity" seems to baffle the minds of many. For so long I have politely dealt with the ignorance of the majority and it's time that those who are guilty of this ignorance know how incorrect you really are.

You see, ethnicity covers more than Black, White, Mexican, and Chinese...it also exceeds "she mixed wif sumfin". I am multiracial, this is a term which means I have multiple ethnic backgrounds. I grow so dreadfully weary of correcting you all.

Too often do I get judgmental looks when I walk into a store or restaurant. Too often do people speak to me as if I am some sort of unresponsive and ignorant person. I do not appreciate being spoken to as if I am stupid. On the contrary my unfortunate colleague, I am educated along with the rest of my family and hundreds of thousands of millions of people out there...if that was any of your business in the first place. I do not need for you to speak loudly or slowly to me, I understand you. If I am behind the counter working with the general public, wouldn't common sense tell you that I understand English and can carry even a somewhat intelligent conversation with you? It seems to me that YOU sir or madam, YOU are the problem here. YOU are the fool. Not I, no no not Mia.

I am a Filipino and Black woman. There are many other ethnicities I could throw at you all, but for now, the majority of my ethnic background consist of Filipino and Black.

Filipino IS a race, despite what my elementary school teacher (who shall remain unnamed) tried to convince me. A Filipino person is from the Philippines. Say it with me FILL-UH-PEEN-OH. Filipino. Not Mexican, not Hispanic. In fact, we are closer to the Spanish from Spain. Pick up a history book. Read. You'll learn something. You don't believe that I'm black? Why is that? Is my skin not dark enough, or is it because I'm not like those people on BET? Must I act in a crude manner to make it known?

Racism isn't a charming attribute either, might I add. Oh you don't want the dark skinned girl to serve you your ice cream at the local Coldstone? Don't go out in public. Welcome to real life you fucker, I work and I go to school like everyone. I put on my pants on leg at a time. Color? What's that? Does it offend you that my skin is a deeper shade of SKIN COLOR than yours? I apologize, let me raise Hitler from the grave, you two would make a beautiful couple.

...and another thing. Hispanics come from many different countries. Mexico is just one of them. Mexicans are ONE type of Hispanic. Not every person of a Latin American or Hispanic origin are Mexican. gasp Oh my sweet baby Jesus, you mean some of them can speak English?! Yeah. Not every person struggles with the English language.

Forgive my anger towards fuckers like you...but seriously, get the fuck over yourselves and attempt to learn something for once. I am so sick and so tired of being discriminated against for being different...and if you're going to discriminate against me, at least get my race correct.

Thank you.

ADMIT IT!

I'll admit it...I'm lonely. No if's, and's, or but's about that. I'd much like to go on a date. Ice cream (or coffee), a nice conversation, walk though the park, drive on country roads singing at the top of my lungs to good (and bad) music, and sitting on top of my car trying to act like we know all about the stars in the sky.

Dream on, kiddo...dream on.

A Word Of Advice

I love to procrastinate. So much so that it's almost like a sickness, a disease...it's a huge issue, ok?

I have tried many things to avoid procrastination

I've gone to the library on campus, no help. There's always someone agitating in there talking on the phone or talking in general. Also, it smells like old books and the death of my GPA.

I've tried the study lounge on my floor in my dorm. No such luck. There is a group of people that love to talk loudly and it's hard not to people watch as they go in and out of the elevators.

My room is not haven. My roommate lives for television. I've never seen anyone who can watch television so much in my life. That damn this is ALWAYS on.

Here is my advice to you if you have similar issues

First off get into your comfortable zone. Make sure you are at your desk, on your bed, on the couch...somewhere...with everything you need: food, drink, headphones, notes, writing utensils, backpack, hell even chapstick. You don't want to have to move from this spot unless you must use the restroom.

Second make sure you have good headphones. My roommate will never turn the television off or down and it doesn't bother me much. I like noise but I need to separate myself from distracting noises and focus on what I'm doing. I then go to YouTube and play this playlist [http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=17B84701A4ED76DE] loud enough so that it's all I can hear. The sounds of the ocean alone aren't distracting to me. It actually helps me zero in on what I'm doing...and it gives me something to look forward to (summertime and the livin' is easy...)

Third do your thing. After setting all this up close out of the blogs and Facebook and whatever else you do on the internet. All you need is your work, your supplies, and the sounds of the ocean in your head.

Next thing you know, you're done with your work and you can go back to being that lameass college kid that doesn't have shit to do...not really. You're always going to have something to do if you're a college kid. Nice try.

Hope this works for you all!

It Saddens Me

After great things happen, bad stuff more than likely will follow. It isn't because we're pessimists or because we're horrible people (I hope)...it's because that's the way our minds work. Weeks of being so happy and everything feeling so right - you reach the peak of it all, everything is amazing...then...POOF. It's all gone. Something makes all the good disappear and replaces it with paranoia, fatigue, sadness. We didn't do anything to make this happen, we just continued what we were doing before. It's because of the sense of disappointment we all feel. Things can't ever be too good...we always have to find some bad in the good...then we feast upon it.

We live for the things that can go wrong. When we see it, we point it out - dwell upon it. We like to constantly remind ourselves that one particular thing (large or small) is a weakness, is a problem - la mouche dans l'onguent. It is like a disease, spreading across our thoughts, clouding out vision of what once was amazing. We stop giving a shit about the great things and focusing all out attention on the bad.

That's when we stop being happy. That's when we forget to focus. That's when relationships we build diminish right before our eyes.

That's why we can't fall in love.

What Am I Afraid Of?

Ever had one of those dreams that you feel so great during, but wake up wanting to run screaming?

I know it sounds like a lot of bullshit, but I can't seem to shake the fear I'm feeling from a dream I had last night. I only remember parts - I remember sitting in a movie theater and I remember being with a guy. Who was he? Jesus Christ, who the hell was he? He was just there. He was with me - I'm in the state of mind he and I were a couple in this dream.

I'm not afraid of a relationship. I'm not afraid of being someone's girl. I fear being the wrong person's girl. It's like the guy was a mixture of every guy I'm attracted to (you would think that would make for an awesome dream, no?).

Waking up from that dream I just wanted to cry. Something was wrong. I don't understand. I know I sound bizarre right about now, but you had to see what I saw. Feel what I felt.

I feel like I'm afraid of something or that I'm paranoid...but what is it?