The past few weeks or so I've been practicing my instrument religiously for a performance.
I worry a lot about many things when it comes to performing. I'm never scared of what people think of me, I stopped giving a shit way back in the high school era. No, I'm more afraid of how I'll react to uptight "I'm so much better than you are" musicians. We play a short while, then, before the class we experience judgement day. They sit before you, smug with themselves, so delightfully please to be given the opportunity to totally PWN you in the most polite way possible. As soon as that first hand goes up, my heart sinks to my knees.
OH GOD...the fuck are they going to say now?!
"I love your tone" or even "oh I like your style but"...as soon as that but is uttered from anyone's mouth, shit gets real...OH! The infamous "but" how I despise you so. That's when I become aware of my emotions. My face screws itself up into the most disgusted look I can possibly give. Oh you music majors and your inability to NOT be inferior to anyone else...but you fucking suck and can never be better than I. That's all I hear. Constructive criticism is one thing, but to sit there and listen to a bunch of big headed phonies, my heart can't take it.
I must be different from those music majors. I can't seem to find anything wrong with anything ANYONE does. Maybe I have had my slice of humble pie for my lifetime.
So after playing, which in itself is a never killer, I stand there with nothing but an instrument and music to defend myself as they lay it on me. "That was cute!"
The hell?
Cute, I ask you? Cute?! Do they realize the hours put into this piece? The long long hours. Walking all the way up to the music building is like walking from here to West Africa. Finding a practice room is like fighting the Spartans. Playing the same line over and over in hopes to maybe be as good as the rest of the studio and getting to the dungeons of the music building in daylight and emerging from the bowls of the building in the dead of the night is not cute. Cute? I scoff upon your remark. The hell were you thinking? Were you on the same planet?
...at least I didn't get "That was cute, but..."
Music majors. They really piss me the hell off sometimes.
