What DO I think of myself?
Well I think I'm too nice in person. It's so easy to rage and rage on these blogs, screaming at no one in particular. It's so easy to be so very angry, but in real life I'm completely opposite. I let people push me around and treat me like crap all the time. It's really sad that I can't be that tough jerk I portray online...
I think that I have a knack for loving crappy music. You say crappy and I say favorite band. I'm in love with everything from hardcore to bluegrass to folk to metal to pop to rap (meh, maybe). I'll sit in my room and jam out to reggae metal rather than listen to the radio's latest shitty Ke$ha song.
I'm really boring. In my free time I don't go party it up, I don't go out ever really. I sit at home and I read a book or watch television. I've started running on the tredmill but I'm still fat. When I'm invited somewhere, I usually turn it down because I like to avoid awkward moments which leads to...
...I'm really very awkward. I don't know what to say or how to act in many situations. I hate sitting there awkwardly hoping that I'm not making an ass out of myself.
Attractive people make me feel fat. I don't know why, they just do. Actually, scratch that, all my friends make me feel fat. I just get a weird sense of insecurity when I'm around everyone. It's nothing they do to me, it's just I'm more aware of myself when they're not.
I think that when I'm talking, I tell too much. Sometimes I just talk and talk and I don't think about what I'm saying.
I think I have too little of a tolerance and I'm terrible at hiding it. People can really tell when I'm annoyed just by looking at me.
I don't think I'm attractive. I think that I'm pretty much the epitome of frumpy and non-stylish. I don't wear makeup, I don't dress up, when I go out I normally wear whatever I find that's clean...matching or not. My hair is always bushy and my eyebrows are even worse. This is why I'm still single.
I'm a slob. My room is never clean. My desk is never clean. Clothes and shoes are always everywhere. Discarded artwork and other various papers littler my floor at all times. My roommate is an angel for dealing with looking at my shitpile everyday.
I am always broke. I never have money, but if I can, I'll offer you every last dime of what I've got.
I think I care about the happiness of others more than I care about my own happiness.
I hate to talk about what's wrong with me because I think I'm complaining too much...therefore people complain to me about their issues and I'm too nice to tell them to fuck off. It's ok. I like to help in any way I can.
I curse too fucking much. I have a temper. I cry alone when I get angry or sad, I hate to cry in front of someone else. I'm pretty sure my closest friends are the only ones that have witnessed me crying more than once. Even my roommate has probably only seen me cry once...that was a death of a very dear friend of mine.
I think that I really do have great ambitions, it's just that the more I try to reach my goals, the more I fail. People think that I'm so successful, but really, ever since I got to college, I've been fighting for my fucking life to keep up. I'm trying so hard and it's really depressing when I get grades back then getting bitched out by my advisors and parents. I'm trying. I really am.
There. That's what I think of myself.
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